I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
