I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
