Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
