Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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