R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
