I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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