in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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