I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
