she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
