I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize