I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
