hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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