I've blown a few things in my day
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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