She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
