1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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