I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
