Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
