wakey wakey hands off snakey
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
