i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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