He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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