So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my liver is dry heaving
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
