we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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