Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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