New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
