You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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