Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do vagina's smell?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
