Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
