I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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