After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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