You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
