Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
