He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
