i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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