I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
