So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize