well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
