hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
