Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i came on her dog
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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