It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
