Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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