At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
