You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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