Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
