McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
