At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
