this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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