What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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