Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
