Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
