In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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