Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
