i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize