so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
