evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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