Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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