____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
