One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize