My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
