i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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