I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
