I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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