At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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