he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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