remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
