your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
