Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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