SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
