So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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