Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize