Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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