Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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