I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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